whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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