Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Small penises have feelings too.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
