you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
