Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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