We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
