Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
