if you like me you must not know who I am
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
