Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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