i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just invented taco cereal.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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