bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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