i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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