My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
