So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
