I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
