That's intense
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
