i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
