girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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