I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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