His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
