do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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