We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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