I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
