im about as happy as oj after his trial
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
