Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
