He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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