3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
well I can't set my house on fire every night
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
