Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
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