You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
