Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
