sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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