After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
