Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
