This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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