so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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