I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
