**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
