Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
