well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
