dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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