You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
