So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm too high and old for this...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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