The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
