Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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