So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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