it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
