um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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