her vagine was all disorganized.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
