she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
