plz talk dirty to me
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
