Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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