Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
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